Dean Hrbacek: Colossus Among Mice

We are proud to feature today a very special guest blogger from CD22 Watcher, a sister-site of ours. Today's blog author is either:

1. Liz Mitton, who does not understand how blog feeds or Google alerts work.

2. A trio of young and likely single GOP nerds, working for Dean Hrbacek, who borrowed Ms. Mitton's blogspot log-in to avoid legal issues by creating plausible deniability.

3. A combination of the two, plus an invisible unicorn that only Ms. Mitton can hear.

4. Another suitably grouchy Islamophobe with a poor command of HTML.


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He walks with the stride of Achilles.

His chin recalls the perfectly chiseled white cliffs of Dover.

His voice causes the wicked to quake.



He is Dean Hrbacek, and his utter perfection stirs a deep ache in my heart, an unquenched hunger of thoughts unspoken, a hurricane of dizzy devotion.

Dean Hrbacek represents the soul of the Republican Party. Wait, no, scratch that. Dean Hrbacek IS the soul of the Republican Party. He is also the misappropriated sense of entitlement of the Republican Party. As the Party of Sexual Repression (POSR) prepares to enter a new decade, Hrbacek is ideal to take the helm here in CD22. Among a weak field of POSR's, Dean is the ultimate POSR to end all POSR's.

Oh, and in case you didn't hear, Dean got 40 people to state publicly that they thought he was awesome. Forty. That's a four with a zero after it. Take that Shelley Sekula Gibbs!

Even better than that, Dean is going to buy me a pony. He promised. He said that if I work really hard and trash talk all the other candidates, I'll get a pony. I'm planning on naming it Buttercup or Condoleeza. I made a chart that outlines Dean's plan:





Oh, and before I forget: Pete Olson smokes the crack cocaine.

Us = Teh Winnars!

We Republicans are so freakin' awesome.

And like the dinosaurs, we shall rule the planet without interruption forever.

Ditto for CD22.

Don't believe me? Well, thanks to our sister-site, CD22 Watcher, I can now dazzle you with real, actual facts. You see, according to this article, CD22 is one of the top ten fastest growing congressional districts. And CD22 voted around 53% Republican in the last election. Therefore, CD22 will remain Republican for some time.

My super-radical logic is completely unassailable.

Now true, I don't actually know the political make-up of all these new residents moving into CD22, but I'm just going to assume they are mostly Republican. I don't have any evidence to base this on, but I'll assume it anyway.

After all, Bob Perry has built thousands upon thousands of cheap, entry level starter homes all over the fringes of Fort Bend County. I'm sure these inexpensive pre-fab homes will be filled with patriotic Republicans, and the garages will be filled with Lexus SUV's. Besides, liberals don't live in houses - They live in underground nests. That's just common knowledge.


A highly technical graph prepared by actual science guys

I know some of you are worried. Yes, the evil liberals have gained ground in every CD22 election since 2000. Yes, new Democratic votes are outpacing new Republican votes by nearly 2 to 1. Yes, Democrats came within a 3500 vote swing from taking county-wide office in Fort Bend. But these are just figures meant to confuse you. It's typical liberal propaganda: Use actual numbers to baffle the mind.

Trust your gut. We rule. We cannot be stopped.

Dean Hrbacek shall lead us to glory, and we shall bathe in the blood of our enemies.

Unless they are Mexican, because everyone knows that Mexicans have deadly acid for blood.

Hot Plate?

Some assorted evil-doers, who are working
16-hour days and destroying America...


Those sharp journalistas over at CD22 Watcher (who are not in any way connected to the Dean Hrbacek for Congress Campaign) bring us a report on a very special moment in our culture war: It seems that pinko liberal Mexican-huggers are trying their best to halt our efforts at destroying the rather outdated Civil Rights Act of 1964! I'm sure Nick Lampson is somehow involved...

Right now, we live under a liberal regime of injustice. Did you know I cannot fire someone because they don't speak English unless is it necessary to their job? It's true! As a small business owner myself (mail order tortas), I can fire someone for speaking Spanish ONLY if it affects their job performance!

You know, sometimes I'll open the triple-locks to the basement and wander on down to check on my workforce. And it infuriates me to hear them speaking that weird Moon-Man talk. And I know they're talking about me!

It's insidious. Just because the busboy at Denny's doesn't need to speak English to do his job doesn't make his presence any less offensive. It makes me so mad (and scared), but we can't do anything about it until it actually affects their job performance. Next thing you know, those commies will force me to hire women.

And to think of all those politicians wasting valuable time talking about non-issues like the health care crisis, a counter-productive foreign policy, impending climate change, dastardly corruption, a dysfunctional housing market, a broken school system, and an approaching recession...

They cannot see the forest for the trees! We have a real crisis in this country.

¿Usted comprende?

Welcome to CD22 Rubbernecker

Salutations and welcome to CD22 Rubbernecker!

We are a group of young Republican techno nerds bringing you the most up-to-date anonymous rantings on the race for U.S. Congress in CD22. We are NOT Liz Mitton, and we are NOT Democrats pretending to be Liz Mitton pretending to be young Republican techno nerds.

Alan Steinberg announces plan, latest endorsements

As the other CD22 campaigns are stuck in first gear, Alan Steinberg announced a plan to "Set a New Pace." Using his purple Corvette Pace Car, Alan says he'll tune up the problems with inefficiency in government, put the brakes on wasteful spending, side-swipe worker's rights, and run over illegal immigrants.

And Alan also announced a series of influential new endorsements through his MySpace.com Voter Activation Network. The Alan Steinberg for Congress campaign is proud to have gain the endorsement of:


This woman.


This woman.


This woman.


And even this woman, who many pegged
as an early Pete Olson supporter.



And of course, these lovely lasses
from GunAmerica.

Shelly Sekula Gibbs tortures puppies

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but my super secret inside sources have confirmed what up until now only the most pessimistic of us long suspected: Shelly Sekula Gibbs tortures puppies.


Mr. Bo-jangles, a CD22-area terrier who barely
survived an encounter with Dr. Gibbs.

Dr. Gibbs' frequent and uncontrollable urges to sadistically injure helpless little puppies could very well be a liability to the Republican party in November. We need a candidate with no skeletons for "Slick Nick" to exploit! Alan Steinberg not only opposes puppy torture, but he spends much of his spare time tickling their fat little bellies!

Is Dean Hrbacek a massive crook?

Is it true?

Has Dean been secretly diverting public funds into an offshore account for years? Is Dean Hrbacek involved in shady illegal deals with bearded Muslims who have documented connections to Al Qaeda?

Will continued use of an anonymous identity and a boat-load of question marks protect me from accusations of slander?

Alan Steinberg is the bomb.

They call him Doogie. And he's the bomb.

Alan Steinberg is so freakin' awesome, it makes me want to cry. Thus far, he is the ONLY Republican in the race for CD22 who drives a 1998 Corvette Pace Car.



I heard Robert Talton drives a Buick LeSabre...